Battler Ushiromiya (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
itsalluseless) wrote2017-08-20 09:20 pm
itsalluseless) wrote2017-08-20 09:20 pm
Entry tags:
week 2, sunday, after the trial
[It won't be difficult to find Battler after the trial, if Vriska so chooses. He's standing out on the beach, staring up at the darkening sky. It's been a dramatic day, so apparently he's choosing to end it by being dramatic himself.]
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I'm not going to tell you you're wrong about that, [ she says, in that plain way of hers when she thinks she's telling it like it is. ] We are going to very seriously fuck a lot of people up, and we'll be doing it to hurt them as much as possible. It is an incredibly shitty situation to have to be in!
[ ... ]
When I was alive, I did a lot of really sick shit to my friends. People I cared about. I crippled one of them, blinded another, and the third? I made her own boyfriend kill her.
[ The look on her face is kind of flat as she glances down at the sand. ]
I had always thought of them as being off-limits, you know? I never wanted to hurt them. I just ... always ended up doing it anyway. It was like I couldn't stop myself. I found out later there was more than one reason for that.
[ gestures loosely with one hand, rolling her wrist. ]
I was stuck in a temporal loop. We all were. Every single one of us had our actions predestined for us our entire lives. There was only one way everything could have gone. If I'd ever decided to leave my friends alone or not fuck with them so much, all that would have done is create a doomed offshoot timeline. The main timeline was always going to assert itself. The one in which I hurt and killed my friends over and over and over.
[ She'll sigh, stretching her arms over her head. ]
I had a lot of time to think about all of it after I died. Since I was destined to do it, did that make it not my fault? But I definitely decided to do those things, and when they happened, I told myself it was my own free will. And it was, I guess. I was making choices. Choices I knew would have shitty, awful fucking consequences. But I couldn't stop myself. And the timeline wouldn't have permitted me to in the first place.
[ Now she looks at him again, thoughtful and serious. ]
So that's why I'm not going to tell you you're a great guy for killing people, even if the whole point of it is to save everyone. We're going to be awful people making disgusting choices.
[ ... ]
But if you ask me, [ she says, quietly, gently pressing her fingertips to her chin, ] you don't have to be a good person to be a hero.
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And the stuff about predestination and doomed timelines? That just sounds really stupid. Doing something because the timeline wants you to is pretty much the worst possible reason, isn't it?
Why is she even telling him this? Is this supposed to comfort him, or make him less upset or guilty? It's definitely not doing any of those things.]
I'd rather be a good person than a hero. Too bad that's not an option, huh?
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But for now she just raises her eyebrows at him. ]
Of course it's an option. You can do whatever you want. I don't actually know what would happen if you failed to participate, or even tried to leave the Sirens. But that is something you could choose to do.
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Even if I refused to take any kind of active part, I'd still be complicit just by knowing what's going on. I might as well help out.
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Then why did we go through all that bullshit about your existential angst?!
[ Throws her arms!! up!! and stalks away a few steps bye!!
no she comes back. HUFFING. ]
I can't believe I gave you that whole speech about being a shitty person but still trying to help. It was a really good speech, Battler! Totally wasted on the likes of you.
[ ... grumble. ]
I get it, alright? I get it! I am not going to feel great about this either. We will just have to feel really shitty about ourselves together, I guess!
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I didn't ask you to make a speech, okay!
[Oh, wait. None of this is actually funny.]
I guess the reason we're having this conversation is that I'm not good at feeling shitty about myself. I start making stupid decisions.
[battler you always make stupid decisions]
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SMOOSHES HIS FACE BETWEEN HER HANDS??
smoosh smoosh smoosh. ]
You are impossible.
[ ... smoosh.
ok she stops after that. ]
How can anyone be bad at feeling shitty about themselves? You are the weirdest loser I have ever met. Whatever, just come talk to me when you're feeling all sad and crappy and I guess I will make stupid long-winded pointless speeches at you until you stop!
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[SWATTING AT HER HANDS STOP SMOOSHING HIM OMG????]
I'm weird, says the alien...!
[okay no but this still isn't actually funny]
This is just going to keep getting worse week by week, isn't it?
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[ You know. When she was acting all insane after the first execution. But fine, fine, she'll let him swat her away.
It's not funny. But it's sort of funny. ]
Yep. Probably!
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You'll be fine. You have the rest of us. Not that we aren't a group of maladjusted misfits with enough issues to fill an ocean, but like, it counts for something, right?
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[Is he still a little bitter about things from the last meeting? A BIT.]
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